Philippians 3:7-11

Am reading over and turning over in my mind Philippians 3:7-11.

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.

Do I really believe this and live this out?

I want to but I know in my heart that there are things I clutch onto. The total surrender and total focus of the will in this passage is something I aspire to but know I fall short of.

I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

As I continue in my journey of faith, I do recognize how my own righteousness is rubbish in comparison to Christ. Periodically, the thought still slips into my mind, I'm not such a bad person, I can stand before God! The thought usually doesn't last long as I am soon confronted with my own sinfulness in some big or small way. After a period of time (which varies) of hiding from God (yeah, like one can really hide from God) I have to confess my fault and claim again the righteousness that Christ made possible.

I want to know Christ ...

To know His words and deeds in my mind and heart and to live a life that is infused, covered, focused and empowered by Christ.

and the power of his resurrection ...

I want to see victory over sin in my life. I want to see power to defeat evil in the world around me. I want to see restoration. How frightening, how amazing, how unbelievable that Jesus has called me to live in this world to be his representative? To be the broken and leaky vessel of his grace and truth to the world?

and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death ...

This scares me. I don't have a high tolerance for pain. Yet, this too is part of the human experience. If Christianity is to have any meaning and utility in life then faith must be demonstrated even in suffering and in death. Indeed, the world will know we are Christians by our love but also by how our love looks like amidst suffering.

I'm in my 40s and the thought of death occasionally intrudes into my mind. I wonder, how will I die? Will I die well? Will I honor God in my life and yes, will I honor God in my death and in the process of death?

I can't answer that because I'm still young and healthy. But that will not always be so. In 2004 and 2005, I got a taste of mortality in two hospitalizations. The times of communing with God while staring at the ceiling at 2AM alone in a hospital bed were my small journeys into the "fellowship of his sufferings." It was not an easy time but it was a time that deepened my faith.

and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

It is through the suffering that Jesus was exalted and brought back up to the right hand of God. And so it is with us, as we live life with Jesus, as we go through seasons of suffering that one day ends in death, we will then be ushered into the loving presence of our God!

Lord, I sit in wonder at it all. I'm a sinner. Forgive me for sometimes I know not what I do. Forgive me when sometimes I know exactly what I am doing and it is wrong. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you that you have poured your grace on me a broken and leaky vessel. Help me to know you and your power. And in the proper season, help me to know you and share in suffering. Lord, grant me rest in you and renew me with your power to live for you each day knowing it is a gift from you. Amen.